SET YOUR BOUNDARIES

It took me many years through this journey of life to learn how to set boundaries and even what the heck that meant. Think of a boundary as a shield of protection around you and one that will provide health and happiness.  Go deeper with the meaning and understand that boundaries are an important part of self-love and not allowing others to treat you in a way that is not healthy for you and your life.  When boundary setting is not demonstrated for us as we grow up into “adult world”, the struggle to understand how to implement them can be difficult, and sometimes scary.  The sacrifice of self to the point of mistreatment by others can be the result if boundary setting is not put into place.  Boundaries make a clear statement of what is not allowed when it comes to each person, and when those lines are crossed, it is a painful process for the one that has been wronged in that way. Sometimes clear communication of the boundary can resolve the conflict and other instances will require radical choices of removing ourselves from the situation altogether.  The most uncomfortable part of a broken boundary is the trust that was there before has now been chipped away into doubt.

I am all for doing whatever it takes to learn how to set boundaries: counseling, support groups, church guidance, etc.  Once the gift of boundary setting has been established in life, it provides a confidence, strength, and overall feeling of worthiness never experienced before, and it will seem as if life has begun in a truly healthy way for the first time.  Once boundaries have been set, it is important to honor yourself by remaining true to those decisions and not allowing anyone or anything to rob you of your shield of self-love.  Even the best of boundary setter can backslide and be tempted into old patterns of trusting someone to the point of letting down a boundary, but in the end it leads only to anger, resentment, and hurt.  Along with the pain will be the shame felt personally for allowing it to happen in the first place and feeling the sting of failure to ourselves.  Boundaries teach us how to respect ourselves enough to know how we want to be treated, and further what is acceptable in our lives.  Boundaries remove the doormats that we as people may have once been, and replaced with a security door of emotional ability to conquer any circumstance placed in its’ way.  

Emotional health is a large part of our physical health and discussing topics like boundary setting are at the top of my list when it comes to being a healthy person.  The journey has been a tough one, but the positive result of learning how to set boundaries has created the person that I am today and I love myself for that. 

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Darla Leal, Fit at 50